Bathing In Melancholy
I must start by saying that I understand there are many who read this blog that may not really understand this post. For most of the world, the idea of personal sin is pretty foreign. For those of you who are not Christ-followers, this may mean very little. I hope, though, you will read it nonetheless. Even if you don't believe it right now, the Truth remains and applies to you as well.
I've been doing some internal wrestling lately. We're talking WWF, steel cage, death match kind of wrestling. More to the point, I think I may have come face to face with the extent of my own depravity for the very first time. Crazy, I know, but true. Have you ever gotten to that point? You know where you just really take inventory of yourself and realize that there is not much there but dirt and filth? I mean, we basically think of ourselves as pretty good, don't we? Ah, come on, admit it. Even Christians who understand the doctrine of total depravity usually think we're doing pretty well. We don't always apply it to ourselves in real terms. More often than not, that's where I've been...doing "pretty well"...ready for whatever God sends my way. Not so right now. Perhaps that is good.
Don't get me wrong, I understand the Scriptural teaching that there is no good thing in me. I understand the fact that Christ makes us new when we receive Him and, therefore, the penalty of our sin is no longer credited to our account, but that may or may not affect the way we view ourselves. We may not totally understand the fullness for which that is necessary. For me, I have (perhaps unconsciously) allowed it to give me permission to think more highly of myself than I ought. No, Scripture nowhere gives me that permission, but I have not allowed myself to realize what an awful person I really am apart from the grace of God. I have remained largely aloof to the personal reason the grace of God is necessary. I am not one of those who was saved out of a deep, dark life of sin so that I easily see from where I have been brought. Yet, there is much darkness within my soul that I have only recently seen for what it is. If you've never experienced that kind of realization, I assure you, it is painful. It is necessary.
The words of Thomas a'Kempis in The Imitation of Christ speak to what I'm talking about in many ways. Maybe they will speak to you as well:
There is something really appealing in that to me: lead a quiet life, mind your own business and work with your own hands. It seems that when we come to the point of understanding that we're really nothing special (certainly not as special as we might have thought ourselves), we'll just set about life with this attitude and let God do what God is going to do through us.
Thanks for letting me unload all of that.
I feel better.
I've been doing some internal wrestling lately. We're talking WWF, steel cage, death match kind of wrestling. More to the point, I think I may have come face to face with the extent of my own depravity for the very first time. Crazy, I know, but true. Have you ever gotten to that point? You know where you just really take inventory of yourself and realize that there is not much there but dirt and filth? I mean, we basically think of ourselves as pretty good, don't we? Ah, come on, admit it. Even Christians who understand the doctrine of total depravity usually think we're doing pretty well. We don't always apply it to ourselves in real terms. More often than not, that's where I've been...doing "pretty well"...ready for whatever God sends my way. Not so right now. Perhaps that is good.
Don't get me wrong, I understand the Scriptural teaching that there is no good thing in me. I understand the fact that Christ makes us new when we receive Him and, therefore, the penalty of our sin is no longer credited to our account, but that may or may not affect the way we view ourselves. We may not totally understand the fullness for which that is necessary. For me, I have (perhaps unconsciously) allowed it to give me permission to think more highly of myself than I ought. No, Scripture nowhere gives me that permission, but I have not allowed myself to realize what an awful person I really am apart from the grace of God. I have remained largely aloof to the personal reason the grace of God is necessary. I am not one of those who was saved out of a deep, dark life of sin so that I easily see from where I have been brought. Yet, there is much darkness within my soul that I have only recently seen for what it is. If you've never experienced that kind of realization, I assure you, it is painful. It is necessary.
The words of Thomas a'Kempis in The Imitation of Christ speak to what I'm talking about in many ways. Maybe they will speak to you as well:
All naturally desire knowledge, but what good is knowledge without the fear of God?There is something of what a'Kempis is saying found in Paul's letter to the Thessalonians when he says, "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."
Surely humble peasants who serve God are better than proud philosophers who strive to understand the ways of the universe and neglect their own souls.
If you know yourself well you will become lowly in your own sight and not delight in the praises of others.
If I understood all things in the world and had not love, what help would that be to me in the sight of God who will judge the things I do?
The more you know and the better you understand, the more severely you will be judged, unless your life is also holy.
Do not praise yourself, therefore, because of any knowledge or talent you may have, but rather let the knowledge and talent make you humble and careful.
If you think you have great understanding and knowledge, understand also that there are many things that you know nothing about.
Do not appear to be very wise, but rather admit your own ignorance.
Why prefer yourself before others, since there are many who are more knowledgeable and skillful in the Scriptures than you are?
If you want to know or learn anything profitably, then desire to be unknown and to be little esteemed by others.
There is something really appealing in that to me: lead a quiet life, mind your own business and work with your own hands. It seems that when we come to the point of understanding that we're really nothing special (certainly not as special as we might have thought ourselves), we'll just set about life with this attitude and let God do what God is going to do through us.
Thanks for letting me unload all of that.
I feel better.
Labels: David C. Price
posted by DAVID C. PRICE at 4/03/2006 09:35:00 PM
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2 Comments:
This is a great reminder to me today. I am in the place where I feel myself getting too full of self, and I am starting to reach around to pat my back. But these words make me think better of it. Today is a day of reflection and meditation. I will spend time in Thessalonians. It's a good idea to take inventory and clean house every so often. Thanks for this post.
How is your wife feeling these days?
Thanks, Mike. I'm glad this was an encouragement to you. I appreciate you asking about my wife. She is doing pretty well...a little nauseous, but that goes with the pregnant territory. As for her arm, she was released yesterday from physical therapy so she is progressing along nicely. Blessings.
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